Time Travel

I love how a certain music makes you close your eyes and smile. 

How the swift intro melody flies you back to a certain memory and makes you remember the way you were lying down in the darkness, wrapped around a pillow and your heart wrapped around a bomb. 


Connected by an earphone,  You and this person are meeting on this third plane where only the both of you exist, and in the hush of the static, that same music floats softly in the background of the other line.  

That was the night you confessed to each other. That was the music in the background which you never knew then would latch you and that memory forever. That little magical force so strong, that it could control a wave of emotions in just a span of three minutes. And all you could do to control the swell in your heart is to close your eyes and smile.

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Half Yours

imageThe hardest part of being far away is that you see him everywhere.
He’s sitting alone by the bus stop you happen to be at.
He’s walking at the opposite side of the road on your way home.
He’s the pair of legs in front of you on the escalator.
He’s the voice you heard behind you talking on the phone saying “Lapit na ako, see you soon”.

And you want to sit with him so bad and accompany him while waiting for the bus.
You want to walk with him and share your umbrella, maybe punch him a little for walking under the sun like that.
You want to step up beside him, hold his hand and listen about his day.
You want to be the one on the other end of the line answering with “Sige, ingat ka ha? I’ll wait”.

But it’s never him.

Your conscious mind know it isn’t him but only his shoes, his arms, his skin, his built or his height. But still, you choose to pretend so you could see him for a while.
Like a good feeling from a dream you’re fighting to hold on to, though in your mind you already know it isn’t true.

And your heart breaks every time he’s there but he isn’t. You die a little when you see pieces of him scattered around you everyday. And you just look at the floor and walk past by him. You’d walk past by him and the girl he’s holding hands with. You’d walk past by these matching couple shoes walking ahead of you. You’d look away and leave him to sit on his own. All the while you keep on thinking that it should have been you. It should have been him. And you just bite your tongue because you need to prevent your eyes from sweating, because there’s never a sound while a heart is breaking.

But you’ll carry on. Because the pain is temporary and you know that true love can wait. It can sacrifice. It can trust and it can be trusted. It can rejoice with the challenge and grow stronger with the absence. It can go beyond big fights and petty fights. It can give space and time. It does not run on just a series of nows but also in the vision of tomorrows. And to see you everywhere is the hardest but also the sweetest part, because it tells me that I have a live beating heart here inside my chest, that is half yours.

LDR is Blind

Ang Long Distance Relationship pala ay maihahalintulad sa pagiging bulag. Wala kang makita. Kailangan mo lang magtiwala sa mga tao sa paligid mo, sa kung ano ang ibibigay nila sayo at saan ka nila dadalhin. Madalas mangangapa ka kapag hindi mo kabisado ang bagong teritoryo, pero pag gamay mo na, alam mo na ang bawat liko. Kailangan mo din na masanay sa routine dahil ito lang ang tangi mong macocontrol. Pag alam mo kung ano ang ie-expect, saan, paano, gaano at kailan, hindi ka mabibigla sa darating. Siyempre dahil bulag ka,  hindi maiiwasan na mabunggo ka sa pader o matalisod sa pinto. Magugulat ka sa biglang pag bigay sayo ng tubig at minsan kahit gaano kalakas ang pakiramdam mo, mapapasigaw ka ng pangalan dahil pakiramdam mo, nagiisa ka. Kaya sa isang LDR, importante na may tiwala ka at mapagkalatiwalaan mo ang pipiliin mong taong gagabay sayo.

Hindi ka lagi makakasigurado sa mga tao sa paligid mo, kaya kung dumating man yung panahon na dalhin ka nila sa kapahamakan, at least alam mo na na hindi sila mapagkalatiwalaan dahil binigo ka nila sa dun sa mga oras na wala kang nakikita.

May 28, 2015

12:10 PM

Nakaupo at nagsusunog ng oras. Mamaya pa gigising si baba para maglunch. Since napanis yung baon ko kahapon,  tinapay lang at biskwit ang nagtawid sakin ng pitong oras, masarap ang lunch ko today — KFC chicken at salad. May tinapay pa akong miryenda mamaya. 

Nahihiya naman kasi ako kumuha ng pagkain sa kitchen, kahit sabi nila na kumuha lang ako doon. Minsan kailangan ko talaga maligo ng kapal ng mukha e. 

Narealize ko na ang isa pang sikreto sa relationship namin ni The Boyfriend ay para kaming kawayan na sabay sa ihip ng bagyo. Nag aadjust kami sa sitwasyon kahit mahirap. Kung may magbabago ng schedule, mag aadjust yung Skype namin to the point na naka open lang siya kahit tulog na yung isa kasi may kailangan pang gawin yung isa. Natutunan kong sumabay sa agos habang may limitasyon. Kung may mga bagay na hindi maiiwasan tulad ng biglang yayaan, kain sa labas, etc. nakokontrol ko yung emosyon ko na tumingin muna sa kaloob-looban ko at isipin maigi kung tama ba na magalit ako agad sa sitwasyon na bago o pwede namang solusyunan? 

May 26, 2015

12:14 PM

Motherfather.

Ang hirap maging mature minsan. Tipong, minsan kailangan mong iconsciously train yung utak mo na wag mag form ng kung anu-anong kwento hanggat hindi mo pa naririnig yung kwento niya. Ganyan kasi ang mga babae e. May moment na may makikita kang di ka aya-aya, tapos biglang *ting* manlalamig ang kamay mo, biglang 3rd gear na ang utak mo, bigng tatakbo lahat ng natutulog na piyesa at parang recorder lahat ng detalye napapansin mo na. Tapos, diyan na magsisimula magformulate ang utak natin ng mga “baka..”, “siguro..”, “Kaya pala..” at diyan tayo nasstress, sa mga problemang binuo lang naman talaga ng imahinasyon. Diyan huhugot ng inis, makakabuo ng napakahabang message, makakakuha ng pangmalakasang chakara na handa ipansabak sa giyera. Ganyan ang mga babae at ang hirap mag control. Dahil sa isang mature relationship, walang pwesto para sa galit na wala namang rason. Dapat well researched, may proof, may published thesis. Hindi healthy yung biglang jump into conclusions tapos papaganahin yung bunganga at magfformulate ng rules at magbibitaw ng memorandum of ageement, promises at decisions.

Dapat, habang maaga pa, tini-train mo na ang sarili mo maging kalmado sa oras ng pagdududa. Wag gumawa agad-agad ng bagay na ikakapahiya mo o niya. Wag gumawa agad ng bagay na pag sisisihan mo. Wag agad magpost ng kung anu-ano. Wag gumawa ng kwento sa utak. Tandaan mo ang quote na ito “Kill them with your kindness” kasi ang unang mapikon, talo. Kundi mo naman talaga ugali magselos o maghigpit ng walang rason, wag mo simulan ngayon. Wag mo patunayan na kailangan nga na magtago sayo at magsinungaling.  Matuto ka makipagusap na bukas ang tenga, ang puso at ang utak. Hindi yung pakikinggan mo lang ang gusto mong marinig pero, hindi rin naman yung paniniwalaan mo agad lahat ng sasabihin sayo.

Tayong mga babae, meron tayong inborn na talent, ang tinatawag na women’s intuiution, pero tulad ng lahat ng superpowers, kailangan matuto tayong i-control ito, kung hindi, sarili mismo natin ang malalagay sa panganib.

 Womens’ eyes are trained to see details. When they look at a photo, the clothes matches the date, the shadows around you tells the time, the reflections on the mirror behind you tells the location and their gut feeling is a lie detector machine. So yes, be afraid of their species. 😊👍 #RandomThought