Believe

This is a very personal blog post for me because I’ll be talking about a relationship I have that not everyone might understand or would be interested in knowing.
I’m talking about my relationship with our Father. He usually goes by the name of God or Allah.

From here on forward, I’ll be calling him as our Father because that’s what he is.

I’ve read once that our Father is that omnipotent that it is disrespectful to talk to him the way we talk to a friend. I disagree. 

I talk to him like that, like I’m just talking to a father figure that I’m very close with. He even tries to answer sometimes (send her to a psychiatrist, quick!) But it’s true. 

If there’s something bothering me, he’d be the first to know, and He’d send me enlightenment and realizations I know I can’t come up with on my own. It’s crazy talk, I know, but that’s how it works. I have so much faith in him that though I have my weak moments, I still know in my heart that He knows better than me, He has his own clock and He’ll provide. And I am telling you, He has never failed me once and I never doubt in his wisdom. I might forget He’s high and almighty sometimes, and question his plans but then He’d tell me “Child, when have I ever failed you?” And I’d just smile and realize that all these anxieties are stupid. 

I’ve never felt this close to him and I’m happy that I’ve discovered this kind of connection with our Father.

It started when I was a young teen and went through this big heartbreak. A minuscule thing when I look back now, but at that time, as I feel everything so very deeply, it was a big deal for me. I felt like a walking black hole. Anyway, that’s when I knew our Father. He sat with me when I was crying for hours that  I can’t even open my eyes. He listens to my complaints, mostly containing only the words ang sakit “It’s painful” over and over again, like a child who scraped her knee and when I had pleaded for it to stop, he picked me up. If you’ll ask me when was the exact moment I had met our Father, that would be it. The day he picked me up.

I was lying on my bed and crying, my sister, probably scarred for life because of that whole stint I had way back (haha), was using the computer and was used to my sudden breakdown moments that time because sometimes I could’ve just been combing my hair then suddenly I’ll roll up into a ball on our bed and cry. So I was crying and I was really tired of crying and I was talking to our Father and I plead “Lord, ayoko na po. Kunin nyo na po lahat ng sakit, lahat ng memories, I offer you my suffering. Ayoko na po nito Lord” (Lord, I’ve had enough. Please take all these pain away, take all of the memories, I offer you my suffering. I don’t want this anymore Lord) And on that same instant, it was all gone. As in gone in just a blink. There was nothing there. I felt like I was slapped into shock that I stopped crying, I sat up and I told my sister “Tapos na, wala na” (It’s done. It’s finished) still in shock. And that’s when I knew him. That in faith and in prayer, nothing is impossible. “Nothing is impossible” is such a generalized cliche that it had already lost it’s meaning. But it is true. It doesn’t matter if there’s a storm, the sun would shine. It doesn’t matter if there’s no time, things will adjust. It doesn’t matter if you are literally minutes away from death, if the Father doesn’t permit it, it won’t happen. Nothing can be untouchable and sometimes, people call those miracles. And they’re not wrong, but for me, though thankful, I’m not surprised anymore because I know there’s nothing our Father can’t alter. 

The years went by and our bond became stronger and stronger. I’ve already went through a lot of challenges — family, friends, work and school and He has never failed me and I will never stop proclaiming his greatness.

Of course you need to work your ass off also, not just ask for a bread and expect it to magically appear on your plate. They always say that “Prayers can move mountains” and I will forever believe that’s true. Just ask our Father and talk to him and believe that you will receive it and you will. Make your faith so strong that if you pray for a rain, you know in your heart one of these days the rain will come.
Have faith so strong that there’s no more room for doubt as both can never occupy one heart at the same time. You have to choose.  

I prayed to our Father that he may make me His servant. An instrument to spread His love, that when people know me, they will know Him. I prayed that He give me enough tools to enlighten others as He enlightened me, to help alleviate other people’s pain by reuniting them with our Father. 

I believe that people like me who’s proclaiming their strong faith every chance they get are the ones who already went through immense suffering that they had met our Father. And I have also proven that those children who are far away from Him would eventually have a challenge so hard that they would seek Him and also meet him. And they’d never wander away again.

If you’ve read me before, you’d know I was never a fan of the Holy Book, but I will close this story of mine with one of my favorite Bible passage:

Mark 11:24
Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

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