I wish I can talk to people freely without hesitating. Sometimes, I’ve already made up an entire conversation inside my head without even opening my mouth, and then the time would pass by and it would be too late to even say hi by then. I don’t know where I got the idea that people doesn’t want to talk to me, or doesn’t want to hear my problems or boring life. I’m a good listener and sometimes I wonder what if this person doesn’t want to hear my story and just wants to tell hers? But then, it wouldn’t even matter if she really does want to hear it because I often dread the looming end of a conversation followed by “Okay, your turn, tell me something about yourself”, and I hate that question. What do I have to offer you?What could I possible have that could get your interest? How close are for me to divulge things and what things? Because if I try to remember something about me in relation to our certain topic, I get nothing. Not only does my memory suck, it seems like in the past I have either isolated myself from interesting moments or I was on autopilot and I wasn’t focusing on what was happening in front of me the whole time.
I’ve read this somewhere before

Don’t treat the people around you like rocks that’s just sitting there

And it made a mark on me because I often do. I come in and I walk around like I don’t see anyone, but not because I’m a snob, but because I don’t want to be a waste of their time or I don’t want to be a distraction with whatever they are doing. I don’t know where I got that idea, but it stuck. I’m a kind of person that doesn’t want attention. I want to just go about my day like a floating ghost, people not minding me, and me not having the need to make small talk.


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