I Finally Cried

We all need our dose of medicine once in a while.

Mine is my boyfriend.

Last night, I had a breakdown. And as my breakdowns go, this one’s the best yet.

I was working at the hospital late in the evening as usual and the routine wore off the day.
Then it hit me from nowhere. No feeling of impending doom. No early stages of depression.

I just suddenly felt weary.
Fucking. Tired.

Not even just physically. I was tired from head to toe, to the ends of my hair, vibrating all the way across the spiritual plane that I guess even the alternate version of myself from another reality felt.

And I’m not exaggerating.

That’s when I texted him.
I asked if he could come and pick me up. I don’t usually ask for favors like  this but I had to make and exception.

I needed him badly.

He came to the rescue of course, having no idea what was happening to me.
I saw him sitting there when I peeked out of the window and relief flushed through me. It’s like seeing an island after getting stranded in the middle of the sea. Like seeing a car after walking for so long in an empty road. Like icy water after a long summer day.

I finished everything I had to do and went down to meet him. We’ve just gone out of the gates of the hospital when I started to say
“Baby, sobrang pagod na ako, naiiyak ako.”
“Baby, I’m so tired I feel like crying.”
He even though I was joking. as if it’s a figure of speech.
Only, my eyes started welling up. He was shocked and kept asking why. Was I scolded? did I do something wrong..? And I kept on saying no.
I was so relieved that he was there with me and I get to hug him while he drives that I wasn’t sure anymore if I was crying from pain or from happiness.

I cried for a long while as the wind carried my tears away from my face.

Home was the last place I’d rather be at so we went to his place.
And we went to his room and there I melted away inside his hug.

It was better than a warm mug of chocolate on a stormy night, even with the little marshmallows on top.

I was just lying there silently crying with my eyes closed as he lies beside me, fixing my hair, wiping my tears. He wasn’t asking too much questions, just letting me cry.
He was telling me everything I needed to hear. His words of wisdom and encouragement for me. And I wasn’t even listening, I just wanted to hear his voice because his voice is so soothing it can calm my stormy ocean of thoughts. I cried even harder for a while and he just let me cry it all out while showering me with kisses here and there and hugging me tight, talking me through it like I was walking through a tightrope to cross over.

Then I was done crying.
We just lay there in silence and he let me doze off for a while. He woke me up and reminded me the time asking me if I would go home or sleep over. To tell you the truth I didn’t care wherever I sleep that night but we decided it would be better if I’d go home, for the sake of my mother’s wrath the next day.

(We decided to leave but I was hungry by then so we went to eat porridge!
Goto with egg plus tokwa! YUM!)

We ended the night with two extra goodbye kisses and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

We all need our dose of medicine once in a while. And I’m so blessed to have one backing me up whatever happens. I’m very relieved to know I have someone behind me, always ready to catch whenever I feel weak.

And I love him so much that it makes me cry again, just thinking about it.


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