My Biggest Enemy

I’m blogging on an empty stomach so bear with me here.
A while ago, I’ve been surfing the internet for scrumptious food because I was hungry and refused to eat any more bread. While doing that, I realized one thing. Okay, I realized a lot of things, but this one thing kept on berating me for years now.
I totally lack self control. Zero, whatsoever.

Once I tried yoga for 4 days or so, then I fell off. The next I challenge myself for a month of 30 min. exercise, yeah, I lasted 2 weeks.  And nowadays, even waking myself up early enough is getting ridiculous!
The motivation isn’t hard really, the problem is maintaining the schedule and cycle. There’s always something that would change my schedule either directly or indirectly, and then my lazy-self would get this opportunity to convince myself and look for a list of reasons why it’s not worth it anymore. Moreover, I’ve already convinced myself that I need something to be able do what I need to do! For example — I need an ipod nano (and now, surprise new ipod models) so I could workout at home or jog outside; I need my own laptop (macbook air! Okay, EeePC would suffice) to finish my books; I need an iPod touch or iPhone or any querty phone that has a good app so that I could blog regularly and on the dot (ohh! Maybe a postpaid plan would also be useful) — and the list goes on. The amazing thing is, I know that I’m just tricking myself into believing I need those things so I could procrastinate some more, and I actually believe it!

My biggest enemy is myself. And I hate that I can’t win over my stubbornness and laziness. I know what to do, I have plans on how to do it and I know why I need to do it.
But why don’t I? Why can’t I?

As I write this (I’m still hungry, now for pizza), I realize that this is my first time to say it out loud to myself. I think it helps a little to hear that I’am currently losing track of my goals and dreams in life (heavy interpretation ya got there) and the worst thing is that I am losing to myself.
I need to set up realistic goals, maybe one week at a time. Okay here’s what I think. I’d set up one in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one in the evening for one week, and see what would happen.

At the top of my mind is anything health related in the morning, cooking at noon, and since I have work at night, well, work.
Okay let me think for now.

Do you have the same dilemma?


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