After how many days, here I am again. I’ve been busy with things. Busy with planning, practicing and with people. I lost an entire night of sleep last night so when I came home today at around 4pm, I slept and woke up at 10.
I ate an apple and then cleaned my house.
I am in a bit of pain today.
Web log on my latest short love story:
I lost my two suitors in one day. They didn’t even lasted a month, I haven’t learned enough about them, but sadly I had to make them stop. It was for the good of all those who are concerned. The pressure was too much. I can’t be with the other without hurting the other one and that was crazy since we belong to the same group and I am with them all the time. Besides, I don’t want to ruin their friendship and it fucking sucks to be in the middle of it all.
Here we go.
Suitor #1 let go. He said he respects my decision. I think, I’ll have to stay away from him a bit so he’d heal. I think I’m in like with him because he’s a really mature person. Though he thinks too much of things, he has a good heart, God fearing, thoughtful, responsible and respectful. Sounds exactly like the one I’ve been looking for right? So why do I have to let him go? I don’t know exactly. All I know is that I am causing him pain. He said I will always be in his heart and in his mind and he’ll always be there if I ever need him. I feel very safe and secure when I’m with him.
Suitor #2 let go too. But it seems like he had a change of heart tonight. He said he wanted to continue. He said every minute of every day he’s yearning for me. I don’t think I could let him though. If I will, It would defeat the purpose of the decision. He’s a jolly person and he’s always smiling, that’s what I like about him. He’s sweet and protective though sometimes he gets overprotective. He changed a lot for me over the past week, I think it made him a better person. I feel happy when I’m with him.
Suitor #3 He’s new. I never thought he’d like me. I actually didn’t like him before because he was too flashy and something I hate more than liars are braggarts. But hey, I was being judgmental back then. Now that I know him, he’s really nice – I still think he’s flashy though. Waaay too fast for me. Keeps on asking when can he meet my parents and vice versa. Went out with him once, he failed my test.
Admirer #1 Said that it was unfair for him. And was asking why did I have to include him. Well, I told him that he’s already a part of the conflict so he should be a part of the solution. He’s a kid by heart (and by age) and I am really fond of him. He’s a quiet type or person but when he speaks his mind he speaks too frankly that you’d have to laugh. He’s funny and really, really sweet. I think right now he’s serious about his feelings for me, but I am only taking it lightly. I am thinking that when he goes back to school, he’d meet a lot of people and I don’t think it’s wise to invest my feelings for someone that can readily leave me behind. He said that I’m wrong, but we’ll see. He’s very vocal and showy about his love and I feel really comfortable with him.
Admirer #2 was a new comer really. I have a crush on him eversince, and I also thought there was no chance he can like me too. The first thing that comes into my mind when I think of him is a pastor. He speaks like a pastor!:) I can’t quite figure him out yet, he has a very conflicting image.
But anyway, he wasn’t included on the “solution” since as I said, he’s new and we weren’t really on the sweet stage yet. He’s very sweet too, and concerned about people’s well being. He’s a deep thinker and what I like about him is that he’s spontaneous. We were texting tonight and he said that he won’t sleep till I do – though I think he’s asleep now. He said he wanted to make me feel better, and he did. I feel light when I’m with him.
Admirer #3 This one, really I had no inkling that he likes me. We never talked in person and I though he has a crush on somebody else, but one day we had a chat on facebook – which was actually long, now that I think of it – and he told me that he likes me. That he wasn’t able to talk to me during our GIP because there were already a lot of guys surrounding me that’s why he just settled with liking from afar. I told him though that I can’t give back what he’s giving me and I like him only as a friend. He said it doesn’t matter, he said it’s okay as long as I let him show his love for me.
I’m not putting these down to brag or anything. I am not gorgeous or hot if that’s what your thinking. I am actually chubby most of the time, average beauty and intelligence. I am just easygoing, cheerful and weird.
I just want to lay down the qualities of these people and understand who and what they are about.
I also wanted you to know why I like them and most importantly, why it is hard for me to see them go. I also wanted some advice. Have I made the wrong decision to run away? Real life isn’t like the movies. Sometimes, you wonder who the one really is.
I’m full of questions right now, and the truth is I am tired of thinking.
I don’t know what’s God’s plan for me, but I am ready for it.