Believe

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This is a very personal blog post for me because I’ll be talking about a relationship I have that not everyone might understand or would be interested in knowing.
I’m talking about my relationship with our Father. He usually goes by the name of God or Allah.

From here on forward, I’ll be calling him as our Father because that’s what he is.

I’ve read once that our Father is that omnipotent that it is disrespectful to talk to him the way we talk to a friend. I disagree. 

I talk to him like that, like I’m just talking to a father figure that I’m very close with. He even tries to answer sometimes (send her to a psychiatrist, quick!) But it’s true. 

If there’s something bothering me, he’d be the first to know, and He’d send me enlightenment and realizations I know I can’t come up with on my own. It’s crazy talk, I know, but that’s how it works. I have so much faith in him that though I have my weak moments, I still know in my heart that He knows better than me, He has his own clock and He’ll provide. And I am telling you, He has never failed me once and I never doubt in his wisdom. I might forget He’s high and almighty sometimes, and question his plans but then He’d tell me “Child, when have I ever failed you?” And I’d just smile and realize that all these anxieties are stupid. 

I’ve never felt this close to him and I’m happy that I’ve discovered this kind of connection with our Father.

It started when I was a young teen and went through this big heartbreak. A minuscule thing when I look back now, but at that time, as I feel everything so very deeply, it was a big deal for me. I felt like a walking black hole. Anyway, that’s when I knew our Father. He sat with me when I was crying for hours that  I can’t even open my eyes. He listens to my complaints, mostly containing only the words ang sakit “It’s painful” over and over again, like a child who scraped her knee and when I had pleaded for it to stop, he picked me up. If you’ll ask me when was the exact moment I had met our Father, that would be it. The day he picked me up.

I was lying on my bed and crying, my sister, probably scarred for life because of that whole stint I had way back (haha), was using the computer and was used to my sudden breakdown moments that time because sometimes I could’ve just been combing my hair then suddenly I’ll roll up into a ball on our bed and cry. So I was crying and I was really tired of crying and I was talking to our Father and I plead “Lord, ayoko na po. Kunin nyo na po lahat ng sakit, lahat ng memories, I offer you my suffering. Ayoko na po nito Lord” (Lord, I’ve had enough. Please take all these pain away, take all of the memories, I offer you my suffering. I don’t want this anymore Lord) And on that same instant, it was all gone. As in gone in just a blink. There was nothing there. I felt like I was slapped into shock that I stopped crying, I sat up and I told my sister “Tapos na, wala na” (It’s done. It’s finished) still in shock. And that’s when I knew him. That in faith and in prayer, nothing is impossible. “Nothing is impossible” is such a generalized cliche that it had already lost it’s meaning. But it is true. It doesn’t matter if there’s a storm, the sun would shine. It doesn’t matter if there’s no time, things will adjust. It doesn’t matter if you are literally minutes away from death, if the Father doesn’t permit it, it won’t happen. Nothing can be untouchable and sometimes, people call those miracles. And they’re not wrong, but for me, though thankful, I’m not surprised anymore because I know there’s nothing our Father can’t alter. 

The years went by and our bond became stronger and stronger. I’ve already went through a lot of challenges — family, friends, work and school and He has never failed me and I will never stop proclaiming his greatness.

Of course you need to work your ass off also, not just ask for a bread and expect it to magically appear on your plate. They always say that “Prayers can move mountains” and I will forever believe that’s true. Just ask our Father and talk to him and believe that you will receive it and you will. Make your faith so strong that if you pray for a rain, you know in your heart one of these days the rain will come.
Have faith so strong that there’s no more room for doubt as both can never occupy one heart at the same time. You have to choose.  

I prayed to our Father that he may make me His servant. An instrument to spread His love, that when people know me, they will know Him. I prayed that He give me enough tools to enlighten others as He enlightened me, to help alleviate other people’s pain by reuniting them with our Father. 

I believe that people like me who’s proclaiming their strong faith every chance they get are the ones who already went through immense suffering that they had met our Father. And I have also proven that those children who are far away from Him would eventually have a challenge so hard that they would seek Him and also meet him. And they’d never wander away again.

If you’ve read me before, you’d know I was never a fan of the Holy Book, but I will close this story of mine with one of my favorite Bible passage:

Mark 11:24
Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

Half Yours

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imageThe hardest part of being far away is that you see him everywhere.
He’s sitting alone by the bus stop you happen to be at.
He’s walking at the opposite side of the road on your way home.
He’s the pair of legs in front of you on the escalator.
He’s the voice you heard behind you talking on the phone saying “Lapit na ako, see you soon”.

And you want to sit with him so bad and accompany him while waiting for the bus.
You want to walk with him and share your umbrella, maybe punch him a little for walking under the sun like that.
You want to step up beside him, hold his hand and listen about his day.
You want to be the one on the other end of the line answering with “Sige, ingat ka ha? I’ll wait”.

But it’s never him.

Your conscious mind know it isn’t him but only his shoes, his arms, his skin, his built or his height. But still, you choose to pretend so you could see him for a while.
Like a good feeling from a dream you’re fighting to hold on to, though in your mind you already know it isn’t true.

And your heart breaks every time he’s there but he isn’t. You die a little when you see pieces of him scattered around you everyday. And you just look at the floor and walk past by him. You’d walk past by him and the girl he’s holding hands with. You’d walk past by these matching couple shoes walking ahead of you. You’d look away and leave him to sit on his own. All the while you keep on thinking that it should have been you. It should have been him. And you just bite your tongue because you need to prevent your eyes from sweating, because there’s never a sound while a heart is breaking.

But you’ll carry on. Because the pain is temporary and you know that true love can wait. It can sacrifice. It can trust and it can be trusted. It can rejoice with the challenge and grow stronger with the absence. It can go beyond big fights and petty fights. It can give space and time. It does not run on just a series of nows but also in the vision of tomorrows. And to see you everywhere is the hardest but also the sweetest part, because it tells me that I have a live beating heart here inside my chest, that is half yours.

July 7, 2015

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7:00 AM

Bakit ba laging pag nasa public transportation o habang naliligo, doon pumapasok sa isip natin yung mga “meaning of life”. Siguro dahil sa mga times na yun, hindi occupied yung utak natin ng mga task at hand dahil naka autopilot yung physical body natin kaya free to roam yung utak natin at dun niya nabibisita yung mga unconscious and subconscious thoughts natin.

Lagi kong sinasabi noon sa sarili ko nung palamunin pa lang ako ay hindi ko isasabay ang lifestyle ko sa pagtaas ng sahod ko. Tipong noon masaya na sa Tender Juicy Hotdog ngayon hinahanap na ang Frankfurt? Dati nakakaalis naman kahit naka jeep, ngayon hindi na madampian ng pawis? Ganyan yan eh.

Dapat, para maka-ipon tayo yung pagu-upgrade ng salary natin, hindi nauubos sa pagu-upgrade ng lifestyle natin. Sakto lang yung minsang reward sa sarili pero hindi yung kating kati saang mamahaling bagay ilalaan yung sweldo. Pag ba Aldo yung bag mo, unlimited pwede mo ilagay na parang bulsa ni Doraemon? Pag ba Guess yung wallet mo nag mumultiply yung bills every hour? Pag ba nag Starbucks ka every morning 2 days ang effect ng caffeine? Mas masarap ba gamitin ang Samsung 360 or iPhone 10s kahit scroll sa fb lang din naman ang ginagawa mo?

Dapat nasa lugar ang pagiging sosyal at pasosyal, kasi minsan, na oovercome na tayo ng pagiging materialistic at consumerism. Lalo na sa ating mga OFW na sadyang pinanganak na dukha (haha), umalis tayo para magipon ng pera hindi para magpaligo ng pera. Iyan talaga ang nireremind ko lagi sa sarili ko dahil ayoko maging OFW forever. Kasi minsan pag nakahawak na ng pera at kaya na bumili ng gamit, bili ng bili kahit hindi kailangan.

Ako hindi ko talaga hilig bumili ng gamit. Mabilis lang ako sa gusto ko nito gusto ko niyan, pero pag nandyan na naghihinayang na ako. Mas mabilis ako gumastos pag para sa ibang tao yung binibili ko kesa sa gusto ko. Ang ginagawa ko kung sobrang gusto ko talaga yung isang bagay, hindi ko siya binibili agad kahit pa sale, pinapalipas ko kahit isa o dalawang araw. Minsan nawawala din marerealize mo na hindi mo naman talaga kailangan o magagamit yan. Nagandahan ka lang talaga. Pero misan, pag talagang hindi ako makatulog kakaisip (wow), binibili ko din, pero dapat 1. Good investment yan. 2. Sira na talaga yung papalitan niyang gamit. 3.Maganda ang quality at pang matagalan at 4. Madalas mo magagamit, hindi lang once a year.

Minsan lang ako mag indulge sa nonesense na materyal na bagay, tulad nung Christmas 2014 na bumili ako sa Forever 21 ng combat boots dahil lagi ko siya binabalil balikan, bilang prize ko na din sa sarili ko dahil pumasa ako sa DHA exam. Napansin ko din lately, may kaya ko siyang bilhin mas nawawalan ako ng gana bilhin siya. Tulad nung running shoes sa Nike ang ganda sobra, bet na bet, pinapnagarap ko siya pero di ako atat na bilhin siya.

Parang sa crush yan e, noon ayokong crush din ako ng crush ko kasi nawawalan ako ng gana pag abot kamay na. (Nahugot pa)

Ayun lang naman. Basta always remain humble lang tayo, hindi nasusukat ang pagkatao mo sa kung anong kaya mong bilhin. Maniwala ka, mas simpleng tao ang kaharap mo mas mayaman yan, pag mas magarbo ayan yung mga feeling mayaman lang. Dibali nang wala kang latest phone tuwing bagong model, kesa updated ka nga sa gadgets ipinangutang mo naman yung pangkain mo. Tandaan mo na nandito tayo sa ibang bansa at nagtatrabaho ngayon hindi para sa luho. Kahit pa sabihin mong single ka at walang kang pinapadahan. Maging financially mature tayo.
Naks.

8:40 AM

Speaking of investments naniniwala ako na lahat ng bagay ay isang investment. Invest ang money, syempre, ang time, ang feelings. Ultimately you are investing experiences.
At tulad ng lahat ng investments, ang goal natin pag gagawa tayo ng mga bagay ay yung after ba ng ilang panahon, maggrow ba tayo dito as a person and will it still matter?

Pag nag invest ka ng time sa isang tao, after some time kailangan mo itanong sa sarili mo kung nag ggrow ka ba? Kayong dalawa? Yung oras mo iinvest mo ba sa paglalaro, pagtulog, pagwo-workout o sa pag aaral ng ibang lengwahe. Nasa sayo yung sagot, walang tamang sagot. Nasa sayo kung saan mo nakikita yung sarili mo na mas mageevolve bilang best version of yourself. Dahil cliché man, wala kang ibang kalaban kundi sarili mo.
Declare war with yourself! Itanong mo sa sarili mo, “Ito na ba talaga yung best na kaya ko?” Kasi ang time patuloy na aandar yan. Lilipat ang kalendaryo gumalaw ka man o hindi. Aandar at susulong ang mga tao sa paligid mo kahit umupo ka sa sulok ng isang taon. Oras mo yan, experiences mo yan. Buhay mo yan.

Invest yourself well.

That Time When US Legalized Same-Sex Marriage

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July 26, 2015

This was the day that the US legalized same-sex marriage and it was beautiful day. It was touching to see something that a number of people were fighting for for years materialize. And of course, with the happiness and celebration, comes all the hate. And with all of the hate already present in this world, I want to be a little light that would shine for anybody who would read my words and as long as my words remain and could be read by the future earth inhabitants, that little light will never flicker.

1. If you hate gays and the only reason you can come up with is the Bible then you are probably looking for these:

Romans 1:27
In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

Leviticus 18:22
“‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.

Deuteronomy 23:18
You must not bring the earnings of a female prostitute or of a male prostitute into the house of the LORD your God to pay any vow, because the LORD your God detests them both.

And if so, let me remind you (because you might just have forgotten) that the Bible also bans these things:
Leviticus 19:27 reads “You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard.”

Leviticus 11:8 reads “You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you.”

Leviticus 19:31 reads “Do not turn to mediums or spiritists; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God.”

Genesis 38:9-10: “Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother’s wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also.”

Leviticus 19:28 reads, “You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord.”

Leviticus 19:19 reads, “You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together.”

Mark 10:8-9, you “are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
Mark 10:11-12, “And He said to them, ‘Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.'”

Deuteronomy 23:1 reads “A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord.”

Deuteronomy 23:2 reads, “No one of illegitimate birth shall enter the assembly of the Lord; none of his descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall enter the assembly of the Lord.”

Timothy 2:9 “Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments.”
Leviticus 11:10 reads, “But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you.”

Deuteronomy 25:11-12. “If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity.”

If you only do some of the teachings of the Bible because they are convenient for you, sorry your argument is invalid. Go to directly to Jail, do not pass Go, do not collect 200.

2. They spread Sexually Transmitted Infections

Yeah, and so does heterosexual sex. Proper education and prevention are the only ways to stop STI’s. Be faithful to your partner!
Think of another reason why you’re homophobic. Think!

3. They are abnormal/unnatural and an abomination

That, my friend, is the reason I am looking for from you. Because that proves that the problem does not lie with them being homosexuals but the problem you have with them lies within you. You see what you see and you hate what you hate because of what you perceive. Notice the “you” in these sentences?

Don’t site the bible, don’t think of new excuses and research facts. You don’t like it period. The last time I checked nobody told you to become one so I’m not sure why you are even bothering.  Let’s put it this way:

You are diabetic and I love cakes. Why are you hating on me just because you can’t eat cakes?
You are allergic to shellfish, are you going to protest in front of Bubba Gump?
You eat broccoli, I don’t. Does that mean we cannot eat on the same table?

The success of a working marriage and family doesn’t depend on gender or sexual orientation. It depends on two people making something work. The sanctity of marriage you are talking about has already been being violated years ago when one woman slept with another man, when one man hit a woman, when one man neglected his child, when one woman hit her child.

What I admire is two people, not even married, but lasting on for years and years growing old together and taking care of each other physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

What I admire is two people, bringing up a child without malice and hate, with an open mind and heart to see all sides to see what is good and to see what is love.

What I admire is two people who wants these things because they want them and not just because society thinks that’s what’s “normal”.

I will close this with my recent facebook status:

” I don’t usually comment to other people’s posts but in the spirit of another country’s liberation I would like to share to everyone my comment on one of my friends’ post:

‘To each his own’ ‘Freedom of expression’ that’s what LGBT represent, and though as their supporter, I also believe that these concepts apply to the other side of the spectrum so I don’t hate you or your post because you are just stating your beliefs and opinions just like us. All I know is that Religion separate us, Faith reunites us. And to anybody who’s also pro LGBT who will comment after me, swallow your hate comments because it’s not about gays or straight, believers or non believers, Christians or not. It’s all about love and love is universal and spreading hate comments is counterproductive. We don’t want their beliefs stuffed in our throats so let’s not stuff our beliefs in theirs. Let’s just all get along because we live in one earth and we all have one God and that’s what God taught me. God is love so love is omnipotent (can do anything), omnipresent (everywhere all at the same time) and omniscient (complete and unlimited) and #‎LoveWins‬ everytime. God bless us all”

‪#‎ScrollPastTheHate‬
Good Day!

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